I'm fed up with myself

As the title says I'm feeling fed up with myself and this is a moan so please nobody feel you have to read it because it probably won't be interesting, I just thought I'd write down how I feel, a small silent scream if you will. I'm having a fibro flare and totally cheesed off that my body won't do what my head wants to do and I'm in pain all the time. I had great plans for this weekend, getting excited about the Autumn season, it's been cooler and for me much more pleasant. I wanted to give my crafting space a good clear out and re arrange things but I just haven't been able too. My normal refuges on the internet when my body won't let me play in other areas also seem out of bounds today. The forum I like to visit has a post on about animal cruelty and I got so upset about it I feel I don't want to visit again till it's dropped off the page. On Facebook, I'm just confused, many of the people who I speak too are taking part in an experiment where you don't like peoples posts to see if it effects the FB stats and what they put on peoples walls. Logically I can understand this and why they want to do it but I still don't understand how it works. My head can't take in not liking something if I do like it, I feel like I'm being unfriendly yet I know it's what they want and I don't want to spoil their experiment so as I don't know for sure who's doing it I feel it's best I stay off until it's done so I don't upset anyone by liking something I shouldn't. All very small things in life to be bothered about but somehow I've ended up overwhelmed with them. 

Hence today I've hidden myself away on my blogs and when I get bored I start messing things around, being me it's not totally spontaneous as it's something I've been thinking about for a while but trying to resist. I've brought back to life my Fantasy blog Alchemy of Midnight only I've given it a new name it's now called Midnight Enchantment and bit of a face lift, the address bar is still the same so hopefully some people might still find me. I'm going to put all my fantasy stuff and Halloween on it again like last year. Maybe it will become a blog I only use during the Halloween season, we'll see. I'm sure I must annoy the lovely people who follow me by messing about with my blogs but I need them to feel right for me. I closed my fantasy blog down to put everything on this one but it's another of those silly things that upset the rules in my head. I hate there being too many subjects on one blog and things seeming disjointed. I see other people putting everything on one blog and I think it looks great but it never seems to work when I try it and I end up feeling uncomfortable about how it looks. I've actually enjoyed messing about doing the backgrounds and headers this afternoon and reorganizing what I want where, it kept me out of mischief as my mum would have said. Not quite finished yet so apologies if people get a sense of deja vu for a while and posts appear in two places, I will get it straight this week hopefully. This blog is still staying the same full of my general life mish mash and thoughts. It's in my mind I might temporally put An English Witchery to sleep for a little while so I've still only got two blogs on the go at once but not made a decision on that yet.

I did have an highlight of the day apart from messing about with my blogs. The BBC broadcast the Battle of the Big Band Prom tonight and I really enjoyed watching that. I love big band and jazz music and it was a really good show. There was also a program about Viking Art on this evening but I'd had my fill of TV viewing by the time the proms finished so hopefully I'll be able to catch up with that on repeat later in the week.

Finally I found one of the curly girls posters that sums up how I feel today, I do love her work and it helps to know it's not just my head that gets itself tied in a knot over what I know to most people are irrational things.Hopefully tomorrow the fibro will subside to normal levels and I'll be able to sort some of my things out as I wanted. :)

“Hope” is the thing with feathers -

That perches in the soul -

And sings the tune without the words -

And never stops - at all -

~ Emily Dickinson

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